Beauty to be found...

Weeds... They can be pests. They come in and choke up the things that grow around them. They demand time and space and light. Never just one, they are everywhere!

In life we are often confronted with weeds. Those times where life feels ugly and hard. When something unexpected knocks you down and feels like it will never let you get up again. Where we feel stuck or broken or confused. Or all of the above.  Maybe even more than one at time. In those moments, life can feel like it will never be right again.

For me it was growing up without a dad...
My best friend attempting suicide...
An eating disorder...
Leaving Master's Commission (a discipleship/internship program) before the scheduled time...

But here's the thing. Things do get right again. You find your way through. The sun comes out again. And you persevere. And when you look back you realize that God turned all that pain into something beautiful. In hindsight I can see all the blessings that came from all that pain.

I have an amazing mom who loves me and several men who stepped into my life to be my dads.
My friend lived. 10 years later, she's a wife and a mom. We found TWLOHA. And last week I went to an amazing event to support it's founder.
I got healthy. I learned how to love myself and help others love themselves. I found I love the gym and love to learn how food can make us strong.
And when I was lost, leaving MC, it took 2 years to discover that the reason I came home was so that I would be in the right place at the right time when I needed major surgery.
And that story has led to another story, which will turn into another story, and another...

About a month ago, I went with my friend to see her horses. She had some work to do, but she set me loose to count the horses and check for healthy grass. I pointed out that there was grass and even flowers all over the place. The truth was, as my friend explained, those "flowers" growing all over the place were actually weeds. There seeds had been planted and spread and grown. But I didn't know what they had been through, I didn't know that what I was currently seeing as beautiful yellow flowers were actually weeds. Time had passed, they had bloomed, they had turned into something new...

One of my favorite verses is found in Psalms 61:3

"and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor."

 Or a weed into a flower...

I went back to the farm the day after (6/7/15) I originally wrote this post...
Look what I found! Some wild daisies!!!

Today is my 26th birthday. I feel like that age is too young, yet not old enough. This is usually the 2nd point in the year I sit back and reassess my life and my goals. I've had the urge to write again. To try new things. To have adventures and explore. To wade my way through the muck and the grime, and find something meaningful. I asked myself what I wanted this year to look like; and what I came up with is that maybe this year, would be a year full of finding beauty in through the weeds.